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What Takes Us Forward

Sarabjeet D Natesan

Author: Sarabjeet D Natesan

Date: Fri, 2017-01-20 12:45

It must have been love but it’s over now, from the time that we met to the time I ran out…  these lines adequately sum up a lot of our life experiences; of moving on, of changing tracks, of walking a different path, of doing other things.  Except that the love doesn’t end.  Walking out of friendships formed in school, in colleges, at the workplace; we move on but don’t give them all up.  The moments stay in our minds in some corner, gathering dust.  Our dreams, ambitions, aspirations and hopes sometimes willingly given up, sometimes to make a parent happy, other times to make a relationship work or still because the tiny hands that clutched our hands reached all the way to our hearts and many more times, because the hand that gently rocked our cradle now needs a helping hand to pry open the locks of memories, to press the nozzle to run the dry eye and to give succour to someone who sat up endless hours to see us through our tough times.

But that too does not last, in a matter of moments, years pass, generations change and life goes on.  And after having merged some of our identities with those of the work that we do; we the women often lose our assurance and self-belief. We ask for help and are often very apologetically happy to proclaim that 'I don't really understand all this'. Forget how to set up a smart phone, how to set up a ‘wi-fi’ connection, how to make and deliver a presentation. Eventually even forget that the meaning of the word ‘manager’ starts and ends with them running a house, negotiating a school PTA, and talking to a doctor about an ailing parent’s prescription.

Women are happy being a sub-sect, taking the second place. The moral sense of purpose of being a woman is glorified; our tolerance, our reticence, our fortitude, our ability to bear pain, our ability to sacrifice, our ability to say no, our inability to say no, all are given super human God-like capability.  We are mothers, sisters, daughters; we are submissive, we are quiet, we are honourable, we are moral, we are saints. 

Women never complain; ask no questions, deserve no answer.  Morality besieges us, a sense of timidity surrounds us and keeps telling us, repeating in our head, whispering in our hearts, from one generation to another, constantly, every day, day upon day, that good girls don’t talk back, good girls are not aggressive, good girls are obedient, good girls are just plain good.  So be a good girl.  Be good, be silent, be sacrificing, and be submissive.  The rest of the good things will follow.  Only then your purpose will be revealed and you will be complete.

Civilization and its tenets talk of equality, of rights, of opinions, of parity, of principles of fairness.  Yet for a women it provides no reciprocity in laws; in legislation, in implementation. A complete vacuum! Nothing enters the black hole of indifference, nothing comes out.  Surrounded by this meaninglessness, the bell jar becomes the glass house. A glass house without curtains...  The inhabitants exposed to the outsiders, vulnerable, exploited and defenseless. And the society loses its women. Standing in a crowd; alone, lonely and scared, waiting for someone to recognise them as equals, as worthy, as contributors and above all, as human beings. 

In this darkness, one needs shoots of hope, of empowerment and of resilience.  Of equality; of others standing up for us.  Of a long human chain that supports us, prevents us from falling and if we do, forms a cushion that protects us from pain.  It can be other women, it can be a friend, it can be a spouse, it can be a parent, it can be an institution, it can be just about anybody who does not judge, who does not assign blame and who just stands by our side. Silently, simply and respectfully. 

What takes us forwards should make us stronger, not slide us down.  And that takes both courage and heart.




I read all blogs of Sarabjeet Natesan and I must say "awesome". Written directly from soul without bringing complex heads and logic. Need to read more stuff like these. Not dry boring things..

Sometimes I break down and sometimes world breaks me into pieces. Sometimes I am torn and sometimes world brings me to rags from riches. But I promise, I will come back to self again and every time I will come back, I will re bond with myself and come back stronger than ever. When love will try to drown me, I will swim across swiftly. You have very correctly said madam, we only are responsible in one or the other way because we have given that freedom to people to come and hurt us. We sideline our dreams, our ambitions and our aspirations to pave way sometimes for family, sometimes for children, sometimes for husband and sometimes for the person whom we love. If I ask a question why do we do this? Probable answer would be because we weigh the value of sacrifices more than dreams. Is it really we or is it our culture? May be we are taught this way that it has engrossed an impression in our minds. Why cannot we learn to say No? Why cannot we put our demands in front of the world? It’s high time now that we put down our points and negotiate. Let us come together and say that we don’t need glory, but we need equality. It’s only the strength of WILL that will pave the way forward.

I shall start with the title and say that it is very apt. The beginning of the article is quite strong and conveys the intended message pretty straight and simple. However, it seems little extra emotions have been poured in, especially in the last section of the article. And for that matter, I must say that I totally agree with the views outlined here. The number of compromises that a woman does in her life time, especially post-marriage, is huge, in fact immeasurable. Most of the things that a woman does are considered as “thankless” jobs, more of the supposed-to-be-done type. In spite of a host of measures being taken for empowerment of women, getting them at par with men, socially, there exists a mindset in the society that women should come next to their male counterparts. As is rightly concluded in the article, moving ahead is the only way better things can be achieved. Till then, take a bow to all the women who dignify their surroundings, wherever they are.

I feel that equality for women in all fields begins with imbibing of confidence in a girl during her bringing up stage. It is this confidence that the women lack which makes her feel that she is in need of others standing up for her. This is what is lacking in our society. The reason may be cultural or religious beliefs. I believe that if a girl is brought up giving the same amount of freedom as a boy enjoys, she will not require any one standing up for her, supporting her or preventing her from falling. So, it is the mindset of both the man and women who bring up their girl child which needs to be addressed.

You have amazingly uncovered the myth and expose truth. In the world which we call civilized, everyday women are neglected and away from the rights, just because they are women. Just because she is a girl, parent think she is burdensome. Well before the birth we abort our girl child, but we need a beautiful, brilliant and well educated woman in our house to take up a role of housewife. We hear everyday talks on gender equality. But the result is, after 70 years of Independence, the female sex ratio 933 per 1000 males. The women strength in parliament is just 12%. There are only 1 women judge out of 23 in Indian Supreme Court and 54 women judges out of 634 judges in State High courts. Now the time has come to speak by action. Only 33% quota will not help for equality. The major focus must be on change in mindset. The mindset towards girl child, necessity of higher education, women’s social contribution and economical contribution. As a son, as a husband and as a father, a man must have enough sensitivity and due respect towards women of his family and his society. Yes we all have to move forward. Let's start a new beginning...!!!

India is known for its rich cultural heritage & diversified religions. Indian society consists of people belonging to almost all kinds of religious beliefs & in every religion women are given a special place. Every religion teaches us to treat women with respect and dignity. But somehow the society has developed various types of ill practices, both physical and mental. Irrespective of having several norms, laws & reforms still women remain subdued &submissive as rightly mentioned in your article due to the dominant & superiority male society. Legal barriers to women’s work in certain industries and occupations are much more common—100 out of 173 economies, prohibit women’s participation in certain economic activities. Time has come for a radical change in reforms & laws to empower women to to decide for their own lives or inculcating such abilities in them so that they could be able to find their rightful place in the society. Women are the creators of the society & at times they can be the destroyer of the same. Equality in rights with men & creating awareness educating and sensitizing male members of the society towards a feeling of togetherness and equality among them can only make our nation a United Powerful Country.

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